Only On My Own
by e-ellens
Summary: ONESHOT.SONGFIC. Hermione is jolted back into reality by memories from the past. She remembers her pain of losing her love, but why is it she can still hear him?


**Title:** Only On My Own - a song fic  
**Author Name:** e-ellens  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Spoilers:** Written after Half-Blood Prince.  
**Genre:** Songfic, Angst  
**Era:** Harry and Classmates Post-Hogwarts  
**Main Character(s):** Hermione  
**Ship(s):** H/Hr  
**Summary:** Hermione is jolted back into reality by memories from the past. She remembers her pain of losing her love, but why is it she can still hear him?  
**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. I have used the song "On My Own" from Claude-Michel Schönberg / Herbert Kretzmer's 'Les Miserables' in this story. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author's Notes:** I would like to thank Sandra from .org since her video clip called 'Delusions'. The theory behind that video gave me the idea to my fic. I would also like to thank ILoveHP! from HPANA since she wrote a fic directly for that video, and that helped me get here.

**Author's Note 2:** Please be aware that I wrote this when I was 15 (approximately 4 years ago). I have matured in age and writing style since then :P

Please Note:

Lyrics are written in _Italics_

Flash Backs are written in **Bold**

**Only On My Own - a song fic**

She got up suddenly and decided to go out... an impulse decision that she hadn't done in years. Mainly because it had been years since she had last thought of him.

_And now I'm all alone again  
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.  
Without a home, without a friend  
without a face to say hello to  
But now the night is near  
And I can make-believe he's here_

She picked up a coat and pulled it on. After walking through her apartment turning things off, she walked out into the night, closing the door behind her. She started down one street and thought about her day. The day that something made her remember him.

_Sometimes I walk alone at night  
When everybody else is sleeping  
I think of him and then I'm happy  
With the company I'm keeping  
The city goes to bed  
And I can live inside my head_

She stopped on a corner and looked both ways, deciding on her desired path. One way went back into the city, the other went into Godric's Hollow; a small, well known village. She turned away from both and strode out onto a small track. She knew what was there, even if no one else did. Visions assaulted her as she made her way past trees and hedges long deserted, memories from a past night. But there was always bright green eyes and unruly black hair.

_On my own  
Pretending he's beside me  
All alone  
I walk with him 'til morning  
Without him, I feel his arms around me  
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me_

**Harry grabbed her and whirled her in a circle.**

**"You really want to?" he asked excitedly. She smiled and laughed as he finally put her down.**

**"Of course I will!" Hermione told him as she lightly kissed Harry's lips. "I would gladly be Mrs Hermione Potter! I would call you mad if you thought anything else!" Hermione said happily. Harry grinned and slid a diamond ring onto her finger. She smiled as he kissed her once more.**

Hermione winced as she remembered that memorial day. That, and the day she officially became Mrs. Hermione Potter. She was stumbling towards her destination as her mind wandered to that certain memory.

**Harry and Hermione stood at the altar, with friends and family all around, waiting for **_**those**_** words.**

**"I now pronounce you Husband and Wife," Albus Dumbledore said gravely, before he smiled. "You may kiss the bride."**

**Everyone cheered as Harry grinned and kissed Hermione, hard. It had been the perfect end of a wonderful friendship and the perfect beginning to a wonderful relationship.**

**"I love you," Harry whispered into Hermione's ear. "Now and forever."**

Hermione stumbled and the memory broke. She looked around the clearing, hoping to find her bearings. Once she knew where she was, she set off once more; her walk more determined.

_In the rain  
The pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight  
And all I see is him and me forever and forever_

Hermione stopped just outside a cottage, or the remains of it. She silently pushed the gate open before she realised it was raining. It gave everything a misty glow. Hermione sighed and made her way around to the back of the house and found herself in front of two graves and two memorials. She walked past the two graves of Lily and James Potter and came up to the two memorials. One was for Sirius Black, since his body was never recovered. The other was for Harry Potter.

**"Hermione, move!" Harry screamed as people apparated everywhere. Hermione had Harry had just been married and they came.**

**"Harry, I won't leave you," Hermione replied defiantly. "I love you and I won't just leave like this." She stood up beside him, wand out, facing their attackers. All the guests were long gone.**

**"Hermione, please. Do this for me," Harry asked her softly. Hermione noticed the change in his face... like he knew he would die. She opened her mouth to defy him but Harry spoke first. "Please, Hermione." Hermione gave in.**

**"I love you. Now and forever!" she whispered, before apparating out of harm's way. She looked on as Voldemort came out of the crowd of Death Eaters.**

**"Your time has come, Harry," Voldemort said softly. "You have defied me for the last time!" Voldemort gave his high-pitched laugh as many coloured beams of magic soared towards Harry. Hermione screamed before blocking her eyes from the light explosion.**

**Once the dust cleared, everyone went to investigate with Hermione in the lead. All that remained was Harry's ring. Hermione broke down and cried as everyone else was surveying the damage.**

Hermione fell to her knees and looked at the memorial to her husband and best friend, Harry. His body was never recovered and, after a month on no news, he was pronounced legally dead. Hermione cradled her face in her hands and cried once again. Years and years had passed since Harry's 'funeral'. Years and years had passed since Hermione had cried out loud. Between sobs, Hermione heard the faint noise of movement and she froze.

"Hermione?" someone whispered quietly from behind her, so faintly that she thought she was hearing things.

"No, it can't be," she said, almost silently.

_And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
And although I know that he is blind  
Still I say there's a way for us_

**"Harry, did you hear that? Ron's here," Hermione said to the empty space beside her as she opened the door. "Isn't it great for the trio to be back together again?" Hermione asked.**

**"Hermione, you have to snap out of this. It isn't healthy!" Ron said suddenly, grabbing her shoulders. "It isn't right! Harry has been dead for a year and you're still acting like he's here!"**

**"What are you talking about Ron?" Hermione asked him absent-mindedly as she set to making 3 cups of tea. "You shouldn't talk about your best friend like he's not here. It's not nice, is it Harry?"**

Hermione's mind had snapped into the past about a month after Harry disappeared. Her delusions sometimes got so bad she had actual conversations, taking into mind what Harry's replies _would_ be.

"No, no!" she moaned to herself. "I got over it. It's only in my mind. You're not there!"

_I love him  
But when the night is over  
He is gone  
The river's just a river  
Without him, the world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers_

Hermione covered her ears and started to rock, muttering to herself, "No. It's only in my head. You're not here... you've been dead for years." Hermione started to cry as too many memories surfaced from the past for her to bear. She heard someone mutter "Hermione?" and she pushed her hands over her ears more firmly and started to hum.

_I love him  
But every day I'm learning  
All my life I've only been pretending  
Without me, his world will go on turning  
The world is full of happiness that I have never known_

Hermione abruptly stood up and turned around, trying to make herself believe that whoever she heard wasn't really there. She had her eyes closed while she turned, still unsure if she really wanted to.

"I know your dead. I've finally come to terms with it. You gave yourself up so that Voldemort would die. No one knows what happened, but whatever all those spells did, they killed Voldemort and all his supporters. He's gone now and you're a hero. Only, you weren't around for the recognition," Hermione was muttering softly. She knew it would probably look stupid if someone was standing there, but she _knew_ that voice better than anyone. She had heard it for a year in her head, before Ron snapped her out of it.

"Hermione," someone said firmly, close by. Everything stopped... the rain, the breeze, the insects, the wind through the trees. She felt something move towards her and she closed her eyes as tight as she could.

_I love him  
I love him  
I love him...  
But only on my own..._

"I know who you are, I think. I'm afraid that if I open my eyes that it will only be a figment of my imagination... more delusions that I have to put myself through. Please, make me believe this is real," she whispered into the night, knowing whoever was there was close enough to touch.

"Hermione," someone whispered as he pulled her into his arms. She gasped in surprise at the contact, but still kept her eyes shut tight. "I love you," he continued. "Now and forever."

Hermione started at that comment and opened her eyes. She looked up into a pair of eyes that she thought she'd never see again. They were bright emerald green. Above those brilliant eyes was a distinguishing scar, in the shape of a lightning bolt, slightly covered by the famous unruly black hair.

"I never thought I'd hear that again," she whispered as she lent up to kiss him lightly. "I love you," she whispered into his shoulder as she began to cry.

"Now and forever," Harry said firmly. "Always forever."

* * *

Review if you liked it, Review if you didn't... or don't even bother reviewing! But I always love to hear what people think.


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